I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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