you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
