I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
