imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
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It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
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The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
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