I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
