Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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