woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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