I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
