4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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