I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
