Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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