There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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