he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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