So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
