he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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