Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
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you mean i was at the winter classic?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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