On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
My friends, they love my intelligence
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
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