So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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