my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
