Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
