and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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