Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
