Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
