Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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