I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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