are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
