really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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