WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I use my feet as sexual weapons
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
