I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Randomize
