I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
