I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
