Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
