Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
