he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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