There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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