Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
