He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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