She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
