Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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