The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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