i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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