Please, let me fuck your mom
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
