I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
