he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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