what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
