we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
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