Sponge bath it is.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
