On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Randomize
