i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
