Don't you send me to vm
But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
