the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Randomize
