proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
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im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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