I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
