Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
