this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
