I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
