Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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