And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
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