Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I've blown a few things in my day
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
