I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
