Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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