And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I came so hard my ears popped.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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