We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
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you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
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if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
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