better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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