I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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