scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
