I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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