I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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