shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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