It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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