He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
