Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
