Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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