I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
