Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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