it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
