we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
