pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize